My writing invention revision explanation

 

 

Working with Joseph Williams’ “Style: Toward Clarity and Grace,” and Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style,” as a style guide, I found that there were MANY flaws present in my writing.

Many of the revisions that I made were simply omitting useless words. Much of my essay was written in different tenses, and I can see how it would be very confusing for a reader to follow.

One of the first things I noticed about my writing was that it attempted to be elaborate. Okay, I won’t put the blame on my own writing since I know that I am the one who attempted this crime. In Williams’ “Style: Toward Clarity and Grace,” it is noted that:

These historical influences alone would challenge those of us who want to write well, but many of us also have to deal with problems of a more personal sort. Michael Crichton cited one: some of us feel compelled to use pretentious language to make ideas that we think are too simple seem more impressive. (11)

Throughout my essay I found that I was doing just that–using pretentious language to make simple ideas seem important. I might have done this to add some length to the essay, but the result it yielded was not very beneficial. Using pretentious language confused the subjects, verbs, and objects in each paragraph, and the emphasis was often lost on the most important things. I revised these flaws by taking out some of the language and replacing it with simple words. I also combined some sentences into one to clear confusion and emphasize the point.

In the first paragraph, I took out the past tense verbs and replaced them with present tense verbs. I replaced the phrase “has always been” with “is” –same meaning, but shorter, and more concise. I made the verbs active and therefore placed the emphasis on what the subject was DOING. Also, my paragraph ended with a question, which could easily confuse a reader. I replaced this question with a statement. Reading through it now, my point is much clearer in the first paragraph and sets the foundation for what the essay is about.

The second paragraph was full of repetition. While some repetition is good, this kind was simply stating what had already been said MULTIPLE times. Reading through each sentence became somewhat of a hassle, and definitely boring, since it was taking me nowhere. I took out the repetition and stated the clear facts. I also arranged my word order in a few sentences so that the emphasis was on writing as a skill. This information had previously been in the middle of the sentence, surrounded by commas, so it was hard to pick out what the real point of the sentence was.

In the next few paragraphs, I simply changed the tense of the verbs, making them active instead of passive. I also arranged word order to put emphasis on the subjects and what they were doing. Williams states that “The first step toward a style that is clear, direct, and coherent lies in how you manage the first few words of every sentence” (67). I noticed that when my subject and verb were not at the beginning of the sentence, the point was lost and it was easy to trail off from what was really trying to be said. Organizing the words into a subject-verb-complement kind of sentence made it easier to read and understand.

In Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style,” it is noted to “Make definite assertions. Avoid tame, colorless, hesitation, noncommittal language” (19). This rule helped me to rid my essay of useless terms and double-negatives. Some phrases that I used were easily replaced with single words that meant the same thing. This helped my writing be less dull and more active. Also, I took out many prepositions in the sixth paragraph that were useless in describing the point of my essay.

In the next few paragraphs I made the simple revision of turning passive verbs to active ones. Verb tense seemed to be the killer of my essay!!

In the tenth paragraph, my attention to the point of the essay was diverted and I began talking about a grade school game that I thought related to my topic. However, this simply made my essay less coherent. I took out this diversion and stated straight facts that helped express the point of my essay.

Another useful tip from Strunk and White says to “write with nouns and verbs, not with adjectives and adverbs” (71).  I put this tip to use and omitted many useless words in the tenth paragraph that seemed to take the attention away from the main point. While the adjectives and adverbs may have helped in describing the nouns…sometimes nouns don’t really NEED to be described any further.

In the beginning, middle, and end of my essay, I injected many of my own opinions. Strunk and White say that “Unless there is a good reason for its being there, do not inject opinion into a piece of writing” (79). Putting my own opinion into my writing made it less coherent, and often diverted the attention to something else. Instead of stating facts, I was asking questions. This could easily confuse a reader. It sure confused me when I read through it. I realized that using the word “thought” or asking questions made my essay seem very invaluable. Stating the facts helped to clear the way and make the point.

After revising my essay, I can look back and say how easy it is to fall into the trap of using elaborate language to make a simple idea seem important. Many of the revisions I made was simply taking words out or replacing them with simpler ones. I also confused each paragraph by using different tenses, and this made the writing very unclear. Emphasis was not put on the subject of each sentence, so revising that was definitely necessary. Word order seemed to be a big problem in my essay, and organizing it really helped to make it more coherent.

Joseph Williams, William Strunk, and E.B. White definitely helped me understand the elements of good style. Their books helped me recognize the flaws in my writing and how to correct them. Writing clear, coherent essays can be an easy thing to do if you simply follow some tips and rules. Writing on my own can often lead to confusion, so it was nice to refer to these style guides as I was revising my first essay. It definitely helped in getting my point across to the reader (and myself!)